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WEBSITE
TERMS OF USE
Date:
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us
include it and made us use a precious button on our home page
to get you here. At first, we thought the lawyers were a real
pain. But then we read the page. What a Netwakening! It's
really important stuff. We took the legalese the lawyers wrote
and translated it into readable English. So be a smart nethead
and read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from
hearing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty
people, like prosecutors.
Here's the deal:
We run this site so that people like you (and people you like)
can use it for personal entertainment, information, education,
communication, and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse
around all you like. You can even download stuff from the site
but only for non-commercial, personal use. If you do, though,
don't fool around with the copyright and other notices all over
the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't
even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting,
reusing, re-posting, or anything else uncool with any of the
stuff, including the text, images, audio, and video, for public
or commercial purposes unless we give you written permission.
And it's not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to [read:
stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other
law or regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the
World Wide Web, or Los Angeles, CA. You shouldn't access or
browse the site if you have any problem with that, because once
you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by [read:
stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers who
hang out on our site:
1. For everyone's sake, just assume that everything on
the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't
use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or
anywhere else on the site without our written permission. And
like we said before, it's not likely we'll give you permission
anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely
to veto any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.
2. While we try to include accurate stuff on the site,
we're not promising you it's accurate. In fact, we're not
promising you anything except fun and entertainment. So if you
use stuff on the site, you're using it at your own risk. Don't
call us if there's a problem because we assume no liability or
responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody else who helped us create, produce, or
deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when
you use it. In particular, the lawyers want you to know that
our disclaimer includes "direct, incidental, consequential,
indirect, or punitive damages arising out of your access to, or
use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything on
the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY
KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED
TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A
PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the exclusion
of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not
apply to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or
limitations regarding the exclusion of implied warranties. "
Ugh! What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We put all of that
in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way to say
it that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line --
we're not responsible if you're browsing around and the site
damages you or your computer or infects it with any nasty
viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if it does,
don't call us.
4. If you don't want the world to know something, don't
post in on the site in any bulletin board or anyplace else.
That's because anything you disclose to us is ours. That's
right -- ours. So we can do anything we want with the stuff you
post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it, publish
it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send
it to your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only
that, we can even use any ideas, concepts, know-how, or
techniques you post any way we want to, including, developing,
manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the
information you post.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on the site are
either our property or someone else's property we're using with
their permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your
property. You or any of your net-friends can't use it unless we
said you could on this page or somewhere else on the site. And
guess what -- we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky, because
unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart,
keep the stuff you download to yourself.
6. There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and service
marks on the site that either we own or we're using with
someone else's permission. So don't think you have any kind of
license or right to use them, because you don't and we're not
about to give you one. If you don't leave them alone and mess
with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we'll
probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other
trademarks, logos and service marks. That means that we're
likely to sue you or to ask a prosecutor to come after you for
messing around with our property or the property of others.
7. You'll probably notice we've linked our site to lots of
others. While that's cool, it doesn't mean we've looked at all
those sites, much less checked them out periodically to see
what's going on. So don't blame us if some site you link to is
bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead
and link, but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we
occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting
in our discussion groups or on our bulletin boards, we take no
responsibility and assume no liability for the content of those
locations or for any mistakes, defamation, libel, slander,
omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or profanity you
might encounter when you visit such places on our site. And
don't be stupid by posting or transmitting any unlawful,
threatening, libelous, defamatory, obscene, scandalous,
inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or profane material or
any material that law enforcement types may consider a criminal
offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that
matter violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we certainly
respect your privacy, we have no choice but to fully cooperate
with any law enforcement authorities or court which might ask
us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9. Software that we use on this Site is protected by all sorts
of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or
send the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of
Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other
country where United States has embargoed goods; or (get this)
to anyone on the United States Treasury Department's list of
Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's
Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps
List (just kidding on the last one). As if that were not tough
enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely
places, you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so
beat it!
10. We're also allowed to change this page and anything else on
the site any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we
have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page,
then you're bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too,
whenever you visit our site.
11. If either of us wants to make something of it and wants to
"sue" (a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of
engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of
Kentucky, without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or threatened to
violate FashionChoicesOnline.com and/or its affiliates'
intellectual property rights, FashionChoicesOnline.com and/or
its affiliates may seek injunctive or other appropriate
relief in any state or federal court in the State
of Kentucky, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction and
venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to first try
to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator
in the following location: Louisville, Kentucky. Any costs and
fees other than attorney fees associated with the mediation
will be shared equally by each of us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually satisfactory
solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to
binding arbitration at the following location: Louisville,
Kentucky, under the rules of the American Arbitration
Association. Judgment upon the award rendered by the
arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do
so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you should
have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We
had to remind them that human torture and sacrifice was
outlawed in the United States. Boy, did they look
disappointed!
FashionChoicesOnline.com
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